Do I have a lot to tell you friends. It’s been awhile since I’ve wrote
one of these update entries. Honestly, every time I updated you, things
changed and what I wrote became so invalid. But not to fear, I’ve come to
you with a true update that will be filled with a lot of awesomeness. So
lets get started with some back-story. 

New Year’s eve, I was driving with a friend, talking about past events in
each other’s lives from that point back. We came to a quick conclusion
that we haven’t fulfilled our goals and plans that we had for ourselves.
Sadly we didn’t do much at all. Yes, I had a internet radio show, and was
part of a great up and coming website, but there was so much more I could
of done with my life. So my friend and I made a pact. Pacts? Yes, a pact.
That we would do so much more with our lives starting January 1st of the
year 2009. So what happened you ask? Well not much of anything, I broke
that pact starting January 1st of the year 2009. I was the same old me,
just doing the same old crap each and everyday. 

Until one rainy morning…

I woke up and just felt like I needed to do something before it was too
late. I walked in to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror and
said these exact words:

“Fuck this, I need to stop living like a fucking bum.”

Since that rainy morning, things have changed drastically. 

1)  I’ve moved in to my own place with the best roommates I could ever ask
for. 
2)  I have a sick job that pays GREAT!
3)  I have a car.
4)  State of Grace Productions has finally started to take off. 

I picked my ball up and ran with it. Taking control of my life and being
somebody then just being a bum and loser. 

Things are now beginning to shape up, I love life, and no one can stop me
from doing what I want to do. 

hahahah its true. I need one. Its so lonely anymore ha. Any ideas? haha

So I have a list that I want to share with all those readers (do I have any?). Its my To Do List for the upcoming year of 2009. You can call it my New Years Resolutions, but these will actually get done. I promised my self this a few days ago when everything was starting to come together. I've never felt so good about an upcoming year ever. There is a lot to do, but I know in the end I'll get there and feel like I finally made it to where I've been wanting to go since I graduated from high school.

No one is gonna help me, I'm going to do this myself and pushing myself to be the best in everything I'm gonna
achieve. Never give up and never gonna back down.

So here is my TO DO LIST for 2009!

1) Film Wrong Number and Send it off to Festivals
2) Finish the Final Draft of The Nowhere Guys and prep it for production
3) Get a JOB and Save for a new Car
4) Loose 120 LBS
5) Move to NYC or CALI or OHIO in December

Nice list aye?

Good Luck to everyone in 2009, and Have a great holiday!

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The other day I was laying in bed, unable to sleep and a lot on mind.  Thinking about a lot of things that deal with love, relationships, things of that nature. I've never spent much time really thinking about the topic, even though I've been the shoulder to cry on for a lot of my friends for the past eight years.  I've given a lot of advice about the very topic I was thinking about.

With some experience in this part of life we all deal with, there is still that one question that I don't have that all important right answer.

What is true love?

First off this is what I think love is.

Love to me is a lot of different things. I've experienced love truly once, been in a few real relationships, and had a lot of "girlfriends". With that said, love to me is happiness, fun, mysterious, painful, depressing, beautiful, harmful, and sad. I could keep going. I've seen both sides of this little thing known as love.  The movie and a dinner dates, the long walks on the beach, the make out sessions to the music of Dashboard Confessional.

All those great and fun, but why must we have to suffer the pain and the heartache known as cheating?

I've been cheated on three times in the few real relationships. Caught one girl cheating on me. Something I never thought could possibly happen to me. It pulls you down to a new low. People always say to me, get over it, don't worry about it, you'll find someone better. The problem with that is, I'm a real emotional guy. Things like cheating bother me. Sure others can just get over it, but me, well walking in on someone you care about, and have strong feelings for, doesn't feel very good. You can compare it to a lot of different things. To me its like missing a wide open net in a hockey game that can decide your season. It's like having your best friend, after all you been through, stab you in the back. You are probably thinking I'm sounding real emo right now, or acting like a little bitch. I'll most likely have a few haters out there, but this is something I have to get off my chest and see what others think.  

My question is to the people who cheat, if you aren't happy, why don't you tell us instead of going around making out with everyone, having sex? That's all I ask.

Moving on…


To me, to have a successful relationship, there are two things that must be there. Honesty and Trust. Two things I'm sure that every body can agree on. You should always, and I mean always tell the truth. Even if you  don't want to. I don't care if its something you will be forgiven for, just tell the truth. No use of holding anything back from someone you care about. You wouldn't want them to. Trust. Trust is a big issue. Girls and guys have so much trouble trusting each other. it's a big issue in my age group.  Ether because guys hang out with girls or girls hanging out with other guys. Other trust issues is with gambling issues, addictions, abuse.  It's all a big mess. If you really care for the person, and know they wouldn't do anything to hurt you or the relationship, give them your trust. I know its hard to gain trust, but you have to do it to make the relationship successful. If none of its there, it will fail. I do believe that's why in America the divorce rate is higher then ever. The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage is 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. It's sad.

With all that said. Love is a waste of time to me. At this age. I don't even know why people get so wrapped up in it. 18 year old's are getting married, having kids. It's one big blur and makes me sick. We are young lets enjoy it while it lasts. Why be tied up, because you don't want to be alone? Sure it really sucks, but get use to it for now. Go out meet different people, don't give your life up for someone. There are so many people out there. Live life, have fun, do what you got to do before you settle down.  I use to sulk over being alone, not having the one I want. You know what you shouldn't sulk, you shouldn't worry.

None of this answers my question. To me it kind of ruins love for me. Having experienced being hurt, lied to, losing my trust. Seeing young people waste their lives, true love is just a lie.

That's my rambling.

What do you think?